Just Another Porn Opinion

After seeing a comment analyzing Jennifer Lawrence’s statement regarding the nude picture fiasco, in which she said “either your boyfriend is going to look at porn, or he’s going to look at you,” I began considering the fairness of her statement.

Man or woman, for or against, you probably already have a strong opinion on porn.  I’m not likely going to change that, and I’m honestly not trying to.  Here’s an outside opinion for those of you who may be curious.

Unfortunately, I think she’s probably right.  Boys want sex.  Girls do too, but they are more likely to want it for intimacy reasons than men.  I have had quite a few heated discussions with male acquaintances over the discussion of porn, and this post is just to give some insight on what your porn habits mean to us. (I am not, by any means, claiming that every female feels the same way.  This is simply a common trend.)

Porn hurts girls’ feelings.  Awwe, boohoo.  Seriously though, girls in relationships with porn-users are more likely to exhibit poor self-esteem and a lower sex drive.  According to the Archives of Sexual Behavior study in 2011, 36% of women consider pornography as cheating, and 40%  worry that it is because of their partner’s sexual dissatisfaction.

Porn isn’t what girls want.  The idea that it creates unrealistic expectations is well-known.  However, studies show that women are less aroused by men who watch porn than those who don’t.  A theory is that men who watch porn are accustomed to witnessing women doing crazy stuff to pleasure guys.  These girls are performers, men.  In the same way that Daniel Radcliffe probably isn’t actually a wizard, those women probably aren’t actually pleased; it’s just a show.

Porn is bad for her sex life, and his.  Men who are engaging in sex with one woman take much longer to climax than those engaging with multiple partners.  AKA, men are more likely to get bored in a closed relationship, and their experiences with porn make them very aware of this.  Not surprisingly, men who watch more porn have an increasing chance of engaging in casual sex or infidelity.  Men who watch “too much,” can begin to have a decreased libido and erectile dysfunction.  Women feel their boredom and lack of satisfaction, and take it very personally.  This feeling of inadequacy can make a woman feel ashamed and uncomfortable.

This article is difficult to write, and I’m sure will be heavily criticized, due to it’s lack of hard facts.  Gary Wilson offers an interesting theory, calling it “the great porn experiment.”  Hard facts and statistics are generated by experiments.  Experiments have control groups.  Nearly every grown guy has watched internet porn, eliminating the potential control group.  Currently, according to both Wilson and Philip Zimbardo, our largest group for gathering data is from men who have sworn off porn.  Their testimonials are surprising.  They even give way to the theory that porn addiction might be a cause, not a symptom, of major mental disorders such as anxiety and depression.  Inevitably, people will argue that porn addiction isn’t a thing.  It has been proven to be a problem.  It is more addicting than anything on the internet, including social media.  This is evident from the success of the $57 billion dollar industry.

Men, if you want to watch porn, go for it.  Ladies, if you are okay with it, then all the power to you.  Never feel like you need to change anything about you because of the prevalence of porn in society, though.  If you feel that porn is cheating, have that discussion.  If he can’t support your feelings, he isn’t right for you.  Never ever compromise your comfort on trying to please your partner.  You do not need to put out to be loved, nor do you need to do anything you are not completely comfortable with.  Porn is a sexual matter, and that makes it a part of one of the most sensitive subjects out there.  Couples need to have these talks and figure out what is best for them, because everyone and every situation is different.  If you aren’t in a relationship, you need to figure out what’s best for you.  I am not telling you what is right, because I don’t know.  These are just some interesting ideas to consider.

Check out Philip Zimbardo: The demise of guys? TED talk

7 thoughts on “Just Another Porn Opinion

  1. angrymanspeaks says:

    Well; I’m nowhere near as reticent as you are.
    I don’t have to wait for scientific studies to tell me that Porn is a dangerous and addictive thing that can and does regularly ruin the lives and/or sex lives of many people all the time. I have known several and to a point; I was one.
    People who deny the negative effects of porn on relationships; self-esteem both male and female; and one’s ability to view women normally and realistically are Self-deluding so as to rationalize and justify their continued dedication to their addiction.
    The damage it does may or may not reverse. I haven’t watched any porn for about 15 years and I can still recall explicit images and they still have the power to affect me. A very difficult thing to give up. Nearly impossible to erase from your mind. The guilt never goes away either. I can’t swear everyone feels the guilt but if you do; it’s tough.
    I didn’t need scientists or Tobacco companies to verify that nicotine is addictive. For years they said “Nicotine isn’t addictive. There’s no proof of it.” But millions upon millions of smokers knew it.
    Well the Porn addicts know it too. It’s just too hard to quit and they don’t usually want to. As long as we keep on passively denying the truth that we all really know; we will continue to lose more and more of our people to this addiction that ultimately; steals your humanity. I won’t get into an argument about this. This one of the few subjects where I am totally comfortable saying, “If you deny the truth of my words here; you are lying; plain and simple”. Either you are lying to us or to yourself and us but lying you are.
    I don’t mean to be rude but there really is no discussion of any worth to be had on this subject. It is so crystal clear and diamond hard in it’s surety.

    Like

    • Kassie says:

      Wow! Thank you for you input. I completely agree that it is detrimental to society. My only personal experience on the issue is how I felt when I found out my significant other watched it. It sucked.
      I appreciate you taking the time to express your opinions, which mirror my own. It’s unfortunate that it is a topic to be brought up for discussion because it is unbelievably prevalent in our world and the outcomes are astonishing. While, like smoking, the negative impact is obvious and supported by evidence, that does not seem to be enough to curb it’s popularity.

      Like

  2. angrymanspeaks says:

    Hey Kassie, Thanks for stopping by my site. I didn’t intend to come in all angry and what-not. I hope you keep liking what you see over at AMS. I don’t expect you will like or agree with all of it but stop anytime.

    Like

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